Inching Away

To date I have lost 3.25 from my bust, 5 from my waist, and 4.75 from my hips. I'm going to be real honest here with a giant "WTH!" I thought the inches would be more encouraging than the scale, but so far no luck. I'm trying hard to not get super discouraged and inch away from the whole plan altogether, but losing weight is hard freaking work and not usually a good time!
I have a goal of losing 40lbs before I go back to Texas to see the fam, which means I need to average out 2.6lbs of loss per week for the next 6 weeks. Is it doable? Sure. Is it going to make me cry a lot? Probably. I need to buckle down pretty hard core with no procrastinating. Totally my strong suit? Ha.
Tomorrow I have a play date scheduled, which lets face it, just means we moms have an excuse to get together for lunch and just barely watch our kids. I think I'm going to pack a wrap for myself and apple slices. And maybe Starbucks for breakfast. Yeah, I'm GREAT at buckling down...

Tuesday's Scale Tip

This week was not that exciting. After a milestone weekend, I apparently loosened the reigns a little, and gained a pound since Saturday for a total this week of -.8. It is kind of a bummer, but I keep trying to remind myself that every week can't be -4 and that .8 is better than .0. I don't know how much those reminders are helping!
Today after church a group of girls took all of our littles out to lunch and I stuck with my planned chicken nuggets and fruit, but in my head I wanted to leap over the table and gobble up my friend's fries and put my straw in her queso and go bananas! It took a lot of will power, and I am sure she is very grateful :) I satisfied that insanity with a diet Dr. Pepper, which I'm sure was almost as good...
The strangest feeling has started happening though. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I assume I'm losing my mind. Every day lately I have just wanted to RUN. And it's like 'girl, don't be silly! you aren't a runner!' but I still really want to get moving. Playing the dance game isn't doing it for me anymore. There is even a Zumba class tonight that I would love to go to, but almost would prefer to head to the gym and jump on a treadmill. It's crazy talk. It's me being crazy. It's me wanting to melt my fat thighs away as quickly as possible!

Milestone Day

I thought for sure that a glass and a half of wine last night would spell trouble on the scale this morning. I've had a glass before and been up a pound the next day, so I was prepared. What I wasn't prepared for was the freaking happy dance I did when the number came up! I may or may not have freaked out A LOT! I am down 25.4 lbs! You read that right. TWENTY FIVE! I think my brain didn't compute at first because I saw it and thought, "Oh. not as bad as I thought.... WAIT. WHAT?!" It's 1/4 of the way to goal! That seems incredibly out of reach and very attainable all at once.
On another note, I tried to jump rope tonight. Um, wow. That is basically a boot camp workout for me! I remember doing Jump Rope 4 Life when I was in elementary school and thought I was super awesome. Now I know I was awesome! Jumping rope is no easy task. Maybe for my next challenge I'll try four square or dodge ball :)

Tuesday's Scale Tip

Glorious! Today couldn't have started off better. I got up and saw the scale say I've dropped 4.4 lbs this week!! I love feeling like this is working and this is happening. So far I'm officially 23.2 lbs down in 7 weeks. That is 1.8 away from being a quarter of the way there. Saying it like that sounds kind of daunting sometimes, but it's true.
After that I went to church and one of my girl friend's asked me if I've lost a little weight. I smiled and said yes, but didn't want to blurt out "YES! 23 freaking pounds!!" and she commented on how hard it was and how she was giving up. She is about 5'8" and even after 4 kids, the youngest of which is about 18 months, looks amazing. She doesn't know what hard to lose looks like! Still, it was great to have someone that doesn't know how hard I'm trying comment that it looks like it's working.
We came home and I had a sensible lunch and have been craving snacks ever since! I have my workout gear on to motivate me to go tonight, so maybe that will kill some time and keep my face out of the fridge. Especially after a not-too-fun email from a client telling me how to do my job. Love those. That's not a stress eating trigger for me at all...
My goal for the week is to drink lots more water. On Tuesdays it's easy to bring my water bottle to class with me and have to fill it up a second time while I'm there, so I'm getting in minimum of 48 oz. in the morning. Other days, I don't think about drinking anything at all unless there's a Diet Dr. Pepper in the fridge. I should train myself better. I guess that's what this week is for!

Hoarder.

My husband called me a hoarder the other day. Not so much like the TLC show, but pretty close. I happened to be at a toy store that was going out of business and stocked up on gifts for every child's birthday party I know we are most likely attending for the year. Everything was 60% off! How could I refuse?! And now I'm set. 70% of our son's Christmas presents are now bought and stored! I even have gifts to mail back home for my nieces! He sees hoarding, I see smart. But, as far as calories are concerned, he may be right.
I can do great all morning. I eat a good breakfast. Today was Greek Yogurt with strawberries at the bottom for 120 calories and a 1/4 cup of Bare Naked maple granola for 130. Then I can wait happily for lunch, or have a small mid morning snack (apple slices). Today I had a PB2 sandwich with apples and a plum. All great, right? And then as soon as lunch is over I want SNACKS! All afternoon, from the minute I finish lunch until the minute I eat dinner I just want snacks. Today I've had carrots and hummus and low cal kettle corn (Jolly Time is my fav!) and a Fiber One bar. Still not enough! According to my Dr., I still have several hundred calories for the day, but I am choosing to go way under. That is so dumb. I feel hungry, and then feel immediately guilty for eating the calories I was TOLD to eat! I just think "You could have done without that. You know you have a weigh in tomorrow, and you could have been that much closer." This is not healthy behavior! Instead I will wait until about 8 o'clock tonight and squeeze in a couple hundred calories before bed. Again, dumb. I just have this intense image of me sitting at the table crying and eating a bowl of steamed broccoli for dinner, because I didn't ration my calories out for the day good enough. Which is also dumb, because I write all of my calories down for my three main meals the day before so I KNOW I'm going to have a solid breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Still, I can not make myself get over the guilt of eating during daylight hours, and the fear of starving through the night to make the scale be more friendly.
Will it pay off at tomorrow's weigh in? I'm not sure. I'll just go sit in front of the pantry and torture myself while I think about that question.

Dr. Says

I had my first monthly Dr.'s office weigh-in last night and he was beside himself at the results! I was down a solid 15 lbs from the previous visit a month ago!! Technically I started this journey the week before that and according to my scale yesterday, I was 19.8 down. It felt so great watching his reaction reading my LS graph. I've been pretty proud of myself, and the husband has been really supportive, but it's nice to have someone else on my team! It appears none of my friends have seen much of a difference as of yet. I'm really okay with that, but I think "how fat was I that you don't realize a 20 lbs difference?!" Maybe they just don't want to say anything, because they would be confirming that I was much larger to begin with that and that's uncomfortable for everyone. Who knows really.
At the Doctor we discussed a sustainable calorie goal too. I've been at 1212-1230 for about two weeks now and have had headaches and am super tired. He said humans shouldn't eat that small of an amount and upped it to 1550! I think that may be a bit on the other extreme, and am settling at 1350, but it was nice to know I wasn't crazy and was in fact starving. Funnily enough, I'm at about 1050 for the day right now and am completely fine. I guess it depends on the day! Now I'm off to have a glass of wine to beef up my calories. Dr.'s orders :)

Happy Valentine's Day to My Love,

PB2. I could not go a day without you in my life. You are amazing, delightful, and help me be a better me.
In all seriousness, I am obsessed with PB2. I know some people would think "powdered peanut butter? no, thank you!" but those people are missing out! For 2 tbsp(!!!) of regular JIF peanut butter you are looking at 190 calories. PB2? 45! One of my favorite neighbors and friends exposed me to it and I thought she was crazy, but when I decided to get serious about this weight loss thing, I ordered 4 lbs of it and have never loved a purchase more. 2 tbsp mixed with roughly 2 tbsp of water is all you need, but I add 1 tsp of apple butter to sweeten the deal. My husband and son, who also eat peanut butter daily, are now complete converts! I tried to make my son a sandwich with the old stuff so that I didn't end up throwing it out (I hate to throw away food. It makes me feel so guilty!) and he was NOT happy. He refused to eat it and asked me to remake it with the good peanut butter. You can order it here directly from Bell Plantation. Go ahead, and thank me later.
Today is also Scale Tipping Tuesday and it was a good one! I'm down 3.2 lbs for the week and 18.8 total. It feels so good! Tomorrow I'll take measurements. I don't know why I do that separately from weigh in day. It really means I'm having to hold myself accountable 2 days a week :) This week was particularly surprising, because we hosted a dinner party at a fabulous local restaurant for Rob's 30th birthday and I ate two pieces of the most amazing mozzarella bread I've ever had and a bowl of three cheese tortellini and chicken with sun dried tomatoes. YUM! But I've been good since that, and know that if I don't let myself indulge in situations like that I'll go crazy. Thankfully, there are no more parties in the near future. My scale is very happy about that!

Tuesday's Scale Tip

I weigh myself everyday. Sometimes multiple times a day. I like using it as a barometer for how well I did the day before, but I only 'count' what it says on Tuesdays. When I was doing Weight Watchers (many times over the years!) I would always work it so that I weighed in on Friday morning or minimum Saturday morning so that I could pig out over the weekend. I was obviously not THAT serious about weight loss then, even though I thought I was! I chose Tuesdays this time around, because I go to Bible study every Tuesday and because we are a one car family that means I have to get up early every single Tuesday to take Rob to work. Since that was a system already in place it just made sense to me, but it does mean that the weekends are no longer 'free days'. Not even a little.
Anyway, yesterday was a little underwhelming. It was the first time in 5 weeks I haven't lost anything. I didn't gain, but wasn't too excited about seeing the same number two weeks in a row. Especially this early in the journey! I feel like the size I am should be throwing up Biggest Loser numbers every week!! On top of that, yesterday was Rob's 30th birthday and he wanted Outback as a treat. I planned ahead and counted what I was going to have, and knew that between church and a photo session and car trade offs I wasn't going to work out so I would definitely be over by about 285 calories. No big, giant deal. After church all of my friends typically go to lunch at Chick Fil A to let the littles play some more, and I hadn't planned on going, but decided to last minute. I planned again, erasing what I was planning on having (salad and veggies) for nuggets and fruit. When we sat down the man brought over nuggets and fries instead. I can't tell you how packed this place was, but I can say with my 5 friends alone we have 8 kids between us and we were not the only play group there! I decided "forget it!" and ate the fries for 300 extra unplanned calories. I haven't had fries in a month, and people say your taste buds change after you start eating better, but let me tell you these were like warm, waffle pieces of heaven and I don't regret one ounce!
I don't know if you're adding this up, but 285+300=585 over for the day. And zero work out. It didn't make me feel great about my choices, but I'm trying really hard to not let guilt play a huge factor. I don't want to shame myself into a smaller size. I want to make good decisions so that when I am finally thin I won't think "I've made it! Lets eat!" Though I may celebrate with another round of fries...

Mindless Eating

I like to eat. In fact, I love it. It's a hobby, it's therapy, it's comfort, it's entertainment, it's dependable. The problem is that I don't eat a little bit. Instead I open a bag of something turn on a show, and don't stop until I hit bottom. I haven't done this in a month, and was so proud of that, and then yesterday happened. I'm a photographer that is currently waiting on a friend to give birth at any second and am a little anxious about shooting my first birth. I am feeling a bit of pressure (all self inflicted) to make sure this is beautiful and perfect, because the dad is currently deployed and this will be how he sees his baby for the first time! Like I said, bit of pressure! I knew I was tempting fate Wednesday night when I put white cheddar Cheetos in my shopping cart, but told myself "I'll portion some out and then the boys will eat the rest." Such a big, fat lie! I did portion two servings out and put them in their little Ziplocs that night, and then sat down yesterday with the bag and helped myself all the way to the bottom! That is SEVEN servings of Cheetos!! I was sick. I was mad at myself for doing that, and was literally feeling sick about it. I don't even have a real reason!
Today has been so much better. I'm throwing a baby shower (everyone is pregnant in my life it seems!) at my home tomorrow, and have been cleaning like a crazy person today. I think I'm going to sit down and make a list of things I can do to keep myself busy during the days to keep my hands out of the fridge. Things like finish the quilt I started a year ago, or clean the tops of the cabinets, or tape my hands together. Anything really to help me stay on track!

Inching Down

Yesterday was my weekly weigh in. I weigh in everyday, sometimes twice a day, but I only 'count' Tuesday mornings. I know that sounds obsessive, and probably is, but I am honestly okay with small daily fluctuations in either directions. When I get on and am .2 heavier than the day before I think about what I ate and how much water I was able to get in and then think of how to improve that so the number on Tuesday will be one I want to see. Anyway, yesterday was a great day! I am down 3.8 for this week!! After tracking for a month I am down 15.6 and feel wonderful. I track with LiveStrong religiously and have been trying to play Just Dance 3 on the Wii for an hour 5 times a week. Last week I attempted to run (most everyone on the planet would call it a jog, but...) and was able to do 7 minutes out of 35 on the treadmill. I was pretty impressed with myself :) This week I tried to soak in some of the crazy weather the Mid-Atlantic has been experiencing and head outside. I was running for about 10 seconds before I started to hear my heart rate monitor (Polar FT4, LOVE IT!) go crazy saying I had no pulse. I was breathing, barely, so I knew that couldn't be right, and realized in the four weeks I've been doing this I haven't messed with taking the chest strap in! It couldn't get an accurate reading, because there really is less of me and it wasn't firmly against me anymore!! That was confirmation enough, but luckily I started taking measurements last week of my chest, waist, and hips for the future when the scale slows down and I start to feel discouraged, and in one week I am down an inch in my chest, an inch in my waist, and 2.25 in my hips! Yippee!! One week, 4.25 inches gone.
The moral of this week: get a heart rate monitor (they are awesome motivators!) and start measuring yourself! Week to week will be very exciting for you :)